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For the past ten years, I have been providing care to my mother with dementia and complex care needs whilst at the same time raising two children alone following the break-up of my marriage due to domestic abuse, and trying to combine this with work. I am exhausted and feel completely burnt out. Caring has negatively impacted on my work and career and affected my family life. My mother has recently moved to a small scale nursing home where she is so happy and so well looked after. There is huge pressure on families to continue to look after people with highly complex care needs and I question that. There are too few small scale nursing homes in Ireland.

[translated] You’ve made me think … I will have to come up with a plan for the future.

[Translated] It would be good if the decisions were also upheld when the care allowance is raised. Often the decision ends up in court and it is possible to challenge it. It should not be made difficult for those who are dependent on this financial support.

[translated] I am of the opinion that a pensioner has paid a rather large sum to the State month after month all his life. In old age, when that person would need long term care the state should participate in the necessary costs of the care and not leave the family to do it alone.

My mother could afford to pay for care but we couldn’t get consistent reliable care due to the pandemic. We chose a residence but even they are limited to what they can provide and in Canada if a higher level of care is required then the person needs to go to LTC which wasn’t available at the time and she ended up staying in hospital until she passed. The government offers home supports with a cookie cutter approach; not tailored to what would make staying in her home possible. PSWs [personal support workers] to help shower and dress but no service to wash dishes. She could shower, [but] she needed help with dinner and dishes or laundry. The maximum hours [funded by the] Government is 4 hours/week not enough to sustainably stay home.

[Translated] I was my husband’s caregiver for 7 years. He passed away from a rare and orphaned neurodegenerative disease (PSP). When the diagnosis was announced, we felt abandoned. Then it was very difficult to find quality help even if we paid. I retired 2 years before the legal age to continue to help him. Our last and most terrible test was to have his advance directives respected. He could no longer swallow, so he could not eat or drink. He refused the gastrostomy and wanted deep sedation. I had to fight again and again to have his wishes respected. So abandoned from beginning to end!

[Translated] It is complicated to get help when the parent who needs it is living abroad (France) and it is impossible for him/her to live alone. Because no retirement home can be found for him/her, the only solution is to take him/her at home (in another country of the European Union)

[Translated] I have placed my mother in a nursing home due to advanced dementia. What is missing there are people who occupy themselves with the old people. […] Due to Corona and very limited visitation opportunities, loneliness is increasing. Thus all voluntary visiting services fall flat. […] As much as one pushes the models to accommodate old and young in shared apartments together, I found that my mother with advancing age – who loves her great-grandchildren very much – is simply more stressed when she is visited, it is too loud, too wild, etc.. So she doesn’t want to attend family gatherings anymore either. For a while she was very enthusiastic about the day care center in [redacted] – there she was offered everything she needed. Someone talked to her, they played and made music together, they prepared the snack together, etc. This combination between home and day care center would be IDEAL in my opinion.

[Translated] I lost my father last year (cancer). We kept him at home, with my brothers and sister, almost until the end; we are now looking after our mother. She has been in a nursing home for several months. We take turns every day to get her up, wash her, dress her, feed her and take her out. The staff at the care home is always on leave, there is a high turnover of staff. Not only does my mother pay, we each pay a small part of the accommodation, but we are the ones who take care of her from morning to night. That’s why we are part-time.

I have Parkinson’s Disease and I dread what the future holds for me physically and mentally.